A shell of what used to be
by x-jooles-x
Summary: Naruto is trapped in a dark depression after jiraiya's death. He has come to the conclusion that his life is no more then a shell of what it used to be. He soon runs into hinata, who seems to be encouraging him to carry on. NaruHina? please read & review!


Naruto awoke with a cold, drenched shirt. He panted slightly, the dream still embedded in his mind's eye. '….why...' he thought as he stared down at his open palms. The moon shone through the closed window, letting the thin layer of sweat shine on his forearms.

Naruto lowered his eyes to the wrinkled sheets. It'd been almost a month now that he had not left his home, nor his own bed. A heavy feeling of guilt and grief washed over him, casting dark shadows across his mind and heart.

He still couldn't believe Jiraiya was gone. Thoughts of Jiraiya gripped Naruto's mind tightly, sending Naruto into another fit of anguish. He forcefully pictured Jiraiya's face, maybe to purposely feel the grief and guilt.

'Jiraiya…I know you died in battle…but why…it feels so empty now. My life is nothing else but a shell of what it used to be. I don't even feel like living…I just want the damn bed to swallow me whole and send me to some place else…feels so empty without you…'

Naruto closed his eyes and let out a slow uncaring sigh. Most things had turned for the better, but without Jiraiya it just seemed so pointless. Naruto found himself dwelling in his own grief….but he didn't try to shake the feeling off.

He turned his eyes to his small clock on his night table. The table was swimming with empty ramen bowls, chopsticks, candy wrappers, dishes, and small trinkets of his childhood. The clock was buried between two bowls and a rotting orange.

He picked the clock up from the desk, his arm heavy. His body moved robotically, he only moved if he needed to. His eyes lifted to the ticking hand of the clock, following it as it circled around the tiny glowing numbers.

The clock read that it was 2:30 in the morning. Naruto wasn't surprised; he had been waking up at around this time a lot lately. He let it drop out of his hand and watched it roll of the bed and onto the floor.

He fell back onto the bed, his head hitting the pillow with a soft thud. He stared up at the ceiling, his eyes glazed over as if the life had been drawn out of his body. '…I really should get up tomorrow…' he thought as he closed his eyes. In moments he fell into another horrible sleep, the past replaying in his mind over again.

-00-

Pitch black. Naruto heard the sounds of dripping water, echoing loudly through the black hallway. '…where am I…' he asked sleepily as he stood still in one spot.

A low whistling noise came at him slowly and then it started howling. The wind following the noise knocked Naruto off his feet and into the water that he had been standing on. Naruto's eyes widened as he felt the water envelope his body.

Air escaped Naruto's lips, small bubbles floating rapidly to the surface. 'I CAN'T BREATHE' Naruto's mind screamed. His arms flailed in the water, struggling to swim to the surface. He watched as he got closer to the surface, but only to see it move farther away from his reach. His limit was already ceasing, panic washing over him.

'I'm going to drown if I don't reach it…' he said softly, as if he was half asleep. Suddenly he found himself falling deeper into the endless lake. His lungs burned as they begged for more oxygen. His back slammed onto the hard floor of the watery cage. He could see the surface above him; it was 50 feet above now.

Suddenly he couldn't move. His arms had paused from moving and the bubbles escaping his lips froze. His eyes widened at the sudden realization that the water had stopped ultimately. He pondered on this for a moment.

A single bubble rose beside him. His eyes looked over, straining to see where it came from. Everything was frozen, but a bubble had risen to the surface, but not making the small ripples in the water, but simply sitting there.

A figure lay beside him; its body was a pale blue, as if it had been resting in the watery coffin for centuries. '…who are you...' Naruto thought. Suddenly the figure's head turned abruptly. Naruto tried to scream as the eyeless face stared at him.

Its hair floated around its pale rotten face, making it look ten times more eerie then it was. Small pieces of flesh floated off of the face and onto the ground. Naruto realized who it was. It was Jiraiya.

Bubbles started to rise from the ground and towards the surface. Naruto felt hot, as if he were in the hot springs. The bubbles came more rapidly now, and Naruto knew what was going on.

The water was boiling. The water started to rotate into a searing whirl pool, dragging Naruto and Jiraiya down into the burning abyss of hell. Naruto screamed as the water scalded him. His heart beat faster and faster, pleading to breathe. He could hear it in his ears as it pounded in his chest.

He froze as his heart exploded in his body. He felt the pieces of it hit his sides, blood spraying everywhere. He struggled, trying to breathe. He breathed in the boiling water that was now red. The boiling blood suffocated him, trapping him in his own anguish.

-00-

Naruto let out a terrified shriek. He bolted out of his bed and into the bathroom. He stood over the sink and turned the taps quickly, almost breaking them off in the process.

He felt tears cascade down his face and down his shirt, nestling in the navel of his stomach. He splashed the cold water onto his face, waking him up but not erasing the dream.

This dream had been the worst and most vivid one he had so far. He was terrified and could almost feel the burning in his lungs. He gasped for air, his body shook with unspoken sobs of anguish. He gripped the counter of the sink tightly until it cut into his flesh. A line of blood found its way down his hand and onto the white tiles of the bathroom floor.

He panted for a while before he finally got control of himself. He wiped the tears that still clung to his eyelashes away with his palm. He breathed slowly now, his nerves still shot. He closed his eyes, pleading with himself for this torment to stop.

He looked up into the mirror and studied his reflection. Dark circles surrounded his eyes and his skin had lost its color. He looked as if he were the living dead. His blue eyes that once shone brightly were now dull and uncaring.

"I have to get away from this house" he said aloud. He straightened his posture and walked out of the bathroom, still not noticing that his hands were bleeding. He looked down when the small pulse in his hand stung. "Oh…" he said as he raised his hand to his eyes. The small cut was lined with blood; it glistened in the hallway light.

He went back into the bathroom and flicked the light on. He grabbed a bandage and wrapped it around his hand and then took another and wrapped it around the other one. He walked out, turning the lights off as he made his way down the dim hall.

He stood in the doorway of his room. It was dark except for his bed, the moonlight shining brightly upon it. He turned the light on and walked in. He sat on the chair at his desk and grabbed his pants and shirt. He was only wearing his boxers.

He hesitantly pulled his clothes on and picked the clock up. It was 6:34. He had slept for four hours, and what seemed like forever in his dream was only four hours. He shook his head, trying not to think anymore of it.

He walked out of his room and turned the light off and walked out into his living room. He slowly opened the door that led to the hallway of the building. He closed the door softly, making sure he wouldn't wake his neighbors.

He walked down the hallway sluggishly. He had forced himself to get out of the house because he knew very well that he needed it. At Jiraiya's funeral everyone seemed sad. But even if all their sadness combined together, it still couldn't over power Naruto's.

Sakura had tried to come by a lot, but when she knocked he didn't bother to answer. Usually he would be honored to have her at his house…but none of that mattered anymore.

He finally got down to the lobby. He opened the door and walked out into the quiet streets of Konoha. He had grabbed his wallet, which was very plump with money that he had saved up. He figured he may as well go to Ichiraku.

He walked down the streets, only a few early birds were up and shopping. The sun was just rising over the carved stones of Konoha, making half the village draped in shadows. Naruto thought this was pretty and he admired it with an appreciation that seemed to almost melt away his grief.

He was lost in thought, walking down the streets. A soft shy voice called out his name and he barely noticed it. He would have kept walking but something tugged on his mind to turn around. He lifted his eyes from the ground and turned his head over his shoulder.

He was stopped, his hands were shoved in his pockets and his head plate was tilted. He looked rather dashing, standing in half shadow and half sunlight. His eyes searched for something he didn't know of. "Naruto…" said the voice again. His eyes lay upon Hinata, who was standing just a little behind him.

She was leaning against the fence, her long hair flowing down her chest and her eyes smiling at him. Naruto gave her a small smile in return. "Naruto-kun…I haven't seen you in almost two months..." Her soft voice sounded a little worried.

Naruto smiled and walked towards her. It was always nice to see Hinata. He didn't know why but she made him feel at peace with himself. The sun had taken part of his grief away, and Hinata had taken the other part. He almost felt…content.

"Y-yeah…I know" he said softly, his eyes lowering to the ground. Hinata smiled and even though Naruto couldn't see it, he could tell she was. "It must be hard…but…I believe you'll get through it" she said softly, her encouragement was clear in her voice.

Naruto looked up at her and gave her the most genuine smile he had ever given anyone. "Thanks Hinata" he said. He looked at her for a second and then grabbed her hand. "I'm going to Ichiraku…you want to come?"

Hinata blushed heavily. "S-sure" she said as he pulled her along the street. Naruto was still smiling brightly as he let go of her hand and finally allowed her to walk by herself. "So…How are you..." he asked, trying to start a conversation.

Hinata smiled and tilted her head slightly. "I'm good. Though…I'm a little tired of everyone bothering me" she said. Naruto found this as odd because no one even talked to her except for Kiba and Shino. "Bothering…you?" he asked curiously.

Hinata nodded. "Hm... I…I messed up on a mission and now…and now Ino and Sakura say that I shouldn't…be a shinobi. But I believe I can be, I will…try my best." She said to him. Naruto furrowed his brows. "Oh. Well…they shouldn't bother you about it…you tried at least" he said with a monotone voice.

He just said what came to mind, not bothering to encourage her. Hinata looked at him from the corner of her eye, wondering when he would ever turn back to the way he was before Jiraiya's death. "are you handling…things alright Naruto-kun?" she asked.

Naruto nodded and lifted his eyes from the ground and looked at her. "I…well…I guess so" he said. Hinata fingered the string on her hood, thinking to herself with a small frown upon her face. "Naruto?" she said, looking up at him with rueful eyes.

Naruto looked down at her with a dreamy expression; it was as if he had just woken up. Hinata blushed and pressed her two index fingers together. "I know I probably sound ridiculous, but I was just wondering…" she said softly.

Naruto nodded, patiently waiting for her to finish. Hinata looked at him with eyes filled with curiosity and innocence.

"Do you...do you ever imagine or dream…about him? Because I once heard that…when others pass on, usually the ones that cared for them the most…often have dreams about them. I thought that you would because you've been with him for the longest time and well…you and Jiraiya-sama...had a special bond"

Naruto wasn't surprised that she would ask such an odd question. Naruto nodded none the less however. He had wanted to tell Hinata, but when he thought of a reaction, all he could think about was how sakura would have laughed at him and tell him he was being ridiculous.

Hinata smiled. "Oh...well…that's good. I'm glad he's still with you. I think that when people die…they only die in body, but not in soul. I think he's still here, watching over you Naruto" her voice was so airy, Naruto couldn't believe how optimistic she could be sometimes.

Naruto turned to her and they stopped walking. He faced her but his eyes travelled up to the carved stones on the mountain. The sun was already up in the sky and it shone over konoha. People were staring to open their curtains and windows. "Hinata-Chan..later can you come with me to his…grave?" Naruto asked softly.

Hinata smiled and nodded. "For you I would Naruto-kun" she said shyly. Naruto grabbed her hand absent-mindedly and they began to walk to Ichiraku. Hinata blushed but she didn't mind. Naruto looked at her from the corner of his eye.

"Thanks Hinata. I'm glad I ran into you today" he said as they turned the corner. Hinata only nodded. The silence was nice; it wasn't awkward or tense…but companion like silence. "Good morning Naruto! Nice to see my top customer back!" exclaimed the chef as Naruto and Hinata walked in.

Naruto smiled and nodded. "Yeah…well I missed your ramen so I decided to get up and get out of my house" he said as he sat down. He was still holding Hinata's hand as he chatted away with the chef.

"So how are you doing these days Naruto? Keeping up with the training?" the chef asked nonchalantly. Naruto lifted his free hand and rubbed the back of his neck. "I haven't been out of my house forever…so I have to catch up…"

The chef let out a hearty chuckle. "So what do you want Szechwan beef on top? Or something different this time?" Naruto thought for a second and nodded. "Beef please" he said. He turned to Hinata and gave her a quick smile. "What do you want Hinata?" he asked inquiringly.

Hinata blushed and her eyes got slightly larger. "Oh, you don't have to do that-" Naruto shook his hand out. "I want to though. So what do you want?" he asked her sternly. Hinata blushed and smiled softly. "Uhm..I'll have…yakisoba…if that's alright" she said nervously.

Naruto nodded and turned back to the chef. "Okay you know what she wants. Serve it up chef!" he said enthusiastically. He was feeling a lot happier and he forgot momentarily about his awful dream. He looked down at Hinata who was gazing out in space, obviously deep in thought.

He looked down and realized he was still holding her hand. He blushed slightly and smiled to himself. His smile caught Hinata's eye and she looked at him and smiled back. He blushed even more and turned his attention to the sunny street outside.

He didn't bother to let her hand go because oddly enough it was comforting. Usually he wouldn't do anything so drastic but lately he didn't mind. He snuck a glance at Hinata, studying her quickly before she noticed.

He felt light hearted and happy, and though he didn't know it yet…he was slowly falling for Hinata. He never really noticed her all that much before. But this particular day made everything so alive, and a little less chaotic. He was happy when he was with her…she made everything less dark and gloomy.


End file.
